5-minute exercise to improve understanding

This 5-minute exercise is something I ask the couples who come to me for couples therapy to do as homework.

We all know that the key to any relationship is communication. Often this is easier said than done.

Sometimes we either never learned or struggle to remember how to both speak and listen to each other. This video includes instructions for an exercise, for you and your partner to do together, that begins to help you learn how to do that. Regular practice is the beginning of a path to a deeper, stronger relationship.

Whilst designed for couples, this can apply to any relationship. It requires a minimum of 2 people, but could easily be done in a group setting. What can be surprising is that it is in the silence where the power lies, both as you listen and then by not continuing the conversation afterwards.

It can be difficult to resist responding or defending. By staying silent and then not continuing the topic, it allows us to process what we’ve heard.  And if we listen to what’s underneath our initial reactions there’s a real opportunity for self-discovery. And we help our partner do that reflection by resisting blaming and avoiding criticism.

I’ve often heard that it’s too simple and clients want to “go deeper”. I always respond that it is surprising and joyful when we discover that truly listening in this simple way is how we allow others to find that place of vulnerability they are craving. 

And finally, thank you to the couples institute for this exercise. I learned it during my couples therapy training and would never have appreciated the power of this apparently simple exercise before trying it out.

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